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Posts tagged ‘emotions’

May 17

Developing Principals’ Emotional Intelligence

When you think of the best principal you’ve had in your teaching career, what comes to mind? You might describe someone who is calm, even when faced with high levels of stress, and encouraging of your work. This person might have great relationships with staff and an open door policy, while keeping high expectations for their work. Or maybe this person is able to pause and consider all the facts and emotions involved, before making a decision. These are competencies of someone who has a good dose of emotional intelligence (EQ).

The development of leaders’ EQ is widely accepted as essential to effective leadership in business, thanks in part to the work of authors like Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis and organizations like Six Seconds. Unfortunately, to educators, the concept of EQ within school leadership is still new. Due to this gap in the literature, a group of Six Seconds colleagues and I conducted a study to explore how principals engage EQ to support their leadership practices, and identify the factors that enable o hinder principals’ use of their EQ skills. On May 1st, 2017 I presented this research at the 2017 Annual Conference of the American Education Research Association (AERA), along with researchers from the University of Illinois at Chicago and Pennsylvania State University.

The study followed a group of principals in an urban school district in California for one school year. The research included assessments of emotional intelligence (the SEI) and a leadership self-report (the Leadership Vital Signs), along with 4 interventions and 4 focus groups. If you are interested in learning more about this study, please get in touch to get a copy of the paper or learn more about professional development opportunities for leaders in your district.

Key Findings in Principals’ Use of EQ

1. What role do emotions play in principals’ understanding of their leadership skills?

 At the beginning of the study, 75% of principals were focused on rational data while 25% were focused on emotional information. Through the interventions and focus groups, principals started harnessing emotions as a strategic resource. Principals expressed recognizing the power of emotions to solve problems and create opportunities. They started a process of opening up, by listening and connecting, accepting vulnerability and empowering others around them.

“It’s helping me with knowing my own emotions, which makes me more effective in working with other people at the site – parents, teachers and children.”

2. How do principals use emotional intelligence to support their leadership at school?

Principals in this study had a practical drive, with problem solving and commitment being their top talents. These leaders found EQ helpful in envisioning their schools. They were able to connect with their own purpose through self-reflection and communicate a vision with shared language. Through this study, principals started using EQ data to gain concrete tools. They expressed being able to use empathy to get others on board and identified an increased sense of confidence for shared ownership with their staff.

“[EQ means] allowing myself not always to be the answer.”

3. What factors at the school level enable or hinder the use of emotional intelligence by principals?

 Intrinsic Motivation and Having a Noble Goal (two key competencies in the Six Seconds EQ model) were these school leaders’ top self-identified skills, while Emotional Literacy and Empathy were the lowest. Principals expressed being challenged by the practical demands of the job and the experience of challenging emotions. They identified EQ as essential to enable coping and achieving wellbeing, and placed a high value on relationships to enact meaning for themselves and others.

“Leveraging strengths in motivation and optimism to increase empathy and improve consequential thinking.”

These findings illustrate how EQ skill acquisition is an important component in the development of effective school leaders. The study suggests the need to embed EQ in pre-service and professional development for school leaders. In addition, increased opportunities at the district level should be provided so principals can learn and practice these competencies to become more aware, more intentional and more purposeful.

Get in touch if you’d like to get a copy of the paper or learn more about professional development opportunities for leaders in your district.

Apr 18

3 Key Lessons on Empathy

I did the last internship for my teaching credential in a rural town in Nicaragua, volunteering at a local NGO – Los Pipitos – that supported children with disabilities. During my time there, I worked alongside a promotora de salud (community health professional), Martha; the most patient human being I have ever met, I learned everything I know about empathy from her.

Martha and I used to walk several hours a day in the dusty trails of Yalagüina, trying to reach the homes where children with disabilities lived. Most of these families could not afford to send their children to a special education school or even to the local public school, therefore Los Pipitos educated the families so they could support their kids’ growth and development at home. During the many hours we spent walking, Martha and I developed a close friendship. She always answered my many questions about Nicaragua’s culture, politics and poverty with patience and care. Martha had an amazing capacity to connect with the families we visited and show love and concern, even when the things we saw and experienced were difficult.

These are 3 key lessons that I learned about empathy from watching Martha relate to others.

1. Empathy starts with self-awareness. Empathy is being able to walk in someone else’s shoes, to feel with them. Having a son with cerebral palsy herself, Martha had walked similar paths than the families we visited. Although it was difficult to watch people in pain, sometimes denial, Martha was able to connect with her own emotions, so she could open her heart to these families.

As teachers and parents, this self-awareness helps us to be more present in any given situation. It can be difficult to model empathy for our students or our own children, to connect with their feelings, if we are still thinking about work, an argument we had earlier that day or the endless to-do list. Once we have been able to check-in with ourselves, even if it means connecting with uncomfortable feelings, we’ll be in a better position to connect with others.

2. Empathy heals. Another important lesson that I learned from my dear friend is that when we are able to show empathy for others, they feel accepted and understood. We often encountered families that were skeptical of the help we could provide or scared that we would take their child away. Martha was able to validate their feelings, whatever they were, opening the door for conversation and connection.

When we show empathy for children and youth, or other adults, and we connect with their feelings, that connection and care is healing to whatever they are going through. Showing empathy makes the relationships with our children and students deeper and stronger.

3. Empathy teaches Empathy. I learned the power of empathy by watching Martha connect with people in the community. When she talked and related to others, she did it from the heart. Martha modeled empathy by connecting with people’s emotions, and also by talking about people’s behaviors without judgment.

Children learn how to show empathy from their parents and caregivers, so when adults around them show empathy towards others, they are teaching empathy with their actions. Mary Gordon, the founder of Roots of Empathy, says that empathy can’t be taught in traditional ways, it can only be taught experientially.

As we have seen, in order to show empathy, we need to have some clarity about our own feelings and leave room for the other person to take the stage, being fully present for them. Many people have a difficult time showing empathy, because it means going to a painful place within themselves. Part of showing empathy is being able to manage our own anxiety about the feelings of others and grow to accept them. Empathy, like other social and emotional skills, can be learned and developed over time.

Here are 3 things you can do to develop your empathy.

  • Listen without solving. Tell yourself “I am here to listen”. If you find yourself coming up with ways to solve the problem, go back to my earlier post Are You Listening? for tips on how to become a better listener. Be patient, the other person might not be ready to solve the situation yet.
  • Validate and reflect. Serve as a mirror to the other person. Acknowledge his/her emotions and (maybe) help them connect to the triggers: “You seem angry about the game getting cancelled”, “You sure are upset with me”.
  • Resonate: Match your reaction with his/her mood. Connect with your own emotions by asking yourself “Have I felt this way before?”. Offer comfort, without distracting the person from their own feelings.

Empathy helps people connect with each other at deeper levels, is healing and builds trust. You can develop your empathy by listening without solving, validating the other person’s feelings and resonating with them. It’s never too late to begin noticing when and how you show empathy, and start using the three strategies outlined above. Give it a try and let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear from you.

Feb 16

Focus on Yourself to Nurture Positive Relationships

The relationships that children and youth establish with adults are critical for a healthy social and emotional development. When students and teachers establish positive, caring relationships, students are more likely to use their teachers as resource to solve problems, engage in learning activities, and better navigate the demands of school (Williford & Sanger Wolcott, 2015). Researchers have found that high-quality relationships between students and teachers are linked with students’ academic and social-emotional outcomes. Read more

Feb 2

Ready for School?

A few weeks back, I registered my daughter for kindergarten in the local school district. It was a moment filled with different emotions: excitement for the new experiences she will have, worry for the challenges, and also a bit of sadness because she is no longer my little “baby”. A moment of true self-awareness! Read more

Nov 3

Getting Your Principal to Support SEL

Last week, I got a message from an elementary school teacher in New Jersey. Maria integrates Social Emotional Learning in her 2nd grade class and has observed significant changes in her students’ ability to express emotions and solve conflicts independently. In her message, she expressed some frustration because the principal, although supportive of her work, doesn’t want to allocate any resources to implement SEL across classrooms. Read more

Sep 7

3 Strategies to Navigate Emotions

I recently met with a fantastic group of principals. Two weeks into the new school year and they were already discussing serious issues taking place at their schools. You could almost touch the tension in the room. We started the meeting with a simple breathing exercise, so we could all (including myself!) get our minds ready to engage and participate in meaningful ways. Learning ways to navigate emotions and deal with the stress of daily life is a major goal in Social Emotional Learning that applies to both students and adults. Read more

Aug 11

We Feel, Therefore We Learn

Emotions drive learning. That is one of the most exciting findings from Immordino-Yang’s years of work in affective neuroscience with great implications for teaching and learning. Emotions are an essential piece in the learning process, so how can we foster them in the classroom? What can we do, as educators, to engage students in meaningful ways? In my earlier posts How emotions affect learning part 1 and part 2, I discussed how the emotions students experience in the classroom can affect their disposition to learn. Read more

Mar 10

Why Do You Believe Your Inner Critic?

“I’ll never be able to make these kids learn or behave appropriately. They just don’t listen! If I don’t get them to master the content, I am in trouble. Tests are around the corner… what If I loose my job? I’m not good at this… actually I am really bad at teaching. What if I just quit and forget about all of this? But then, I’ll never be able to find a job that I enjoy…”.
 Read more

Feb 26

2 Comments

Empathy is a Design Mindset – part 2

Empathy is the ability to be understanding of and sensitive to another person’s feelings and thoughts without having had the same experience. In an earlier post, Pelochino described empathy as the foundation of design thinking. Innovators and designers develop a deep emotional understanding of people’s needs, and they use this knowledge to address complex problems. How can empathy be developed in classrooms and schools? Read more

Jan 29

Got Anger?

A few years back, my principal and I had an argument about some testing that needed to get done. From my classroom, a remodeled closet above the gym, I could hear her heels coming towards my class… I started sweating and my heart was pounding; she was not even there yet, and I was already getting angry again! My mind was quickly building a catalog of all the situations where there had been tension between us, which made me even angrier. The conversation did NOT start with “I hear what you are saying…” and there were some passive aggressive remarks made… by me. Fortunately, we were able to work through the issue and made a plan to solve the problem. When she left, I felt so relieved. Read more

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