Parenting tips and resources to grow the social and emotional capacity of your children and family.

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This week, everyone’s been talking about Mother’s Day – at soccer practice, the store, everywhere! Some moms I’ve chatted with, without their partners around, have mentioned feeling like Mother’s Day might be a bit of a letdown.

It got me thinking – why do some moms feel this way on a day supposed to be about them?

Here are some thoughts.

Unmet Expectations: Moms often put the needs of their families first, and Mother’s Day can be a time when they hope for some recognition or appreciation, and may have a secret desire to have other people take care of the things they normally do. If expectations aren’t met, like a forgotten card or a lack of help with chores, it can lead to disappointment.

Pressure to Have a Perfect Day: Social media and societal expectations can paint Mother’s Day as a picture-perfect event. This can make moms feel pressure to have a specific kind of celebration, leading to disappointment if reality doesn’t match the ideal.

Loss or Grief: For mothers who have lost children, had a miscarriage, faced infertility issues, are mourning the loss of their own mothers, or hurting because they are not close to them, physically or emotionally, Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of their absence.

This Mother’s Day, let’s acknowledge the many feelings this celebration may trigger in ourselves and others, and create a space to process them with care and compassion.

A few years ago, my daughters were playing with blocks, building a tower together. Tension arose when my oldest daughter wanted to add one more block on top of the tower, while my youngest daughter was concerned it might topple over.

The disagreement escalated, and my youngest daughter, overcome by anger, lashed out and hit her sister on the arm. In her anger, she also knocked down the entire tower. My oldest daughter burst into tears, upset and yelling at her sister.

Although I was tempted to react with frustration, I chose to remain calm. I told my youngest, “It’s okay to feel angry, but we need to handle our anger in a healthier way.” This experience might resonate with many parents who have faced similar situations!

Anger is not a negative emotion, it is a fundamental feeling that can drive us to take action and solve problems, but it can also lead to undesirable outcomes if not managed properly. Anger is significant because it signals that something is wrong and requires attention.

However, the way we respond to anger is what makes the difference.

Here are three suggestions to help your children navigate their anger constructively:

1. Acknowledge the Feeling: Help your child identify and name their emotions, encouraging them to express their anger verbally instead of physically.
2. Teach Coping Strategies: Show your child calming techniques such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a break to calm down.
3. Lead by Example: Children learn from observing adults, so model healthy ways to manage anger yourself.

By guiding children to handle anger effectively, we can empower them to build stronger relationships and better navigate conflicts throughout their lives.

Tomorrow is Earth Day, a day dedicated to raising awareness about environmental conservation and sustainability.

Although it is not recognized as a federal holiday, Earth Day is an important reminder for us to come together and take action for a healthier planet and a brighter future.

Focus on “Planet vs. Plastic”

This year, the theme of Earth Day is “Planet vs. Plastic,” with a goal to reduce plastic production by 60% by 2040.

As a family, you can help contribute to this goal by making some simple changes in your everyday life:

• Use Reusable Bottles and Straws: Ditch single-use plastic bottles and straws in favor of reusable options.
• Bring Reusable Bags to the Grocery Store: Reduce the need for plastic bags by bringing your own reusable ones.
• Avoid Products Packaged in Cellophane: Choose products that come in more sustainable packaging alternatives.
• Wrap Leftovers with Beeswax Wrap: Replace plastic wrap with beeswax wrap or other eco-friendly alternatives for your leftovers.
• Wash and Reuse Plastics: Extend the life of your plastic containers by washing and reusing them.
• Use Bar Soap: Opt for bar soap instead of liquid soap packaged in plastic bottles.
• Switch to Laundry Strips or Boxed Detergent: Reduce plastic waste by using laundry strips or purchasing detergent that comes in a box.

These small changes can make a big impact on the environment, so do what you can to contribute to a life with less plastic for a more sustainable future.

In this age of AI and digital advancement, it’s natural to have questions about the influence of media on our children’s mental well-being and development. Questions like the following are very common:

• How much screen is too much?
• Is social media harmful to youth mental health?
• Are some types of screen time better than others?
• Are video games addictive?

Fortunately, organizations such as the Institute of Digital Media and Child Development are dedicated to providing valuable insights into these pressing concerns and guiding parents to make informed decisions for their kids and families.

This short video from Dr. Lisa Darmour particularly spoke to me. One of her key takeaways is: Don’t talk about it, be about it. This means that we have to model the behaviors that we want to see in our kids.

For example, if we don’t want them to use their cell phone in their bedrooms, our cell phones should be left outside as well.

This may be difficult because we (adults) often struggle with our own use of technology and don’t have the best habits. However, it can become an opportunity to (re)consider our relationship with media and improve our routines, so we can be healthier models for our kids.

In our busy parenting lives, it’s all too easy to neglect the one person who needs care just as much as the children – you.

Self-care isn’t just a trendy term; it’s a vital component of effective parenting. Just as an empty lantern cannot light the way, an exhausted, depleted parent can’t provide the nurturing, patient presence our children deserve.

Self-care is often perceived as selfish because it takes time away from taking care of our parenting duties. But self-care is a necessity:

• It allows you to recharge and better handle challenging situations with more patience and presence.
• It makes you feel balanced and fulfilled, so you are not holding on to feelings of frustration or resentment against your kids and partner.
• It models to kids the importance of prioritizing their own well-being as they grow up.

What does self-care look like for you? 

Make a list of activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit – whether it’s a quiet cup of tea, a walk in nature, or an impromptu dance party.

Is there one thing from this list that you can do for yourself this week?

Remember, prioritizing self-care allows you to replenish your reserves, so you can show up as the parent you want to be for your children. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Few things can trigger a parent’s big emotions more than hearing their children fighting or bickering with each other. I know this from experience in my own parenting life!

While sibling disagreements are a natural part of growing up, it can be difficult for parents to keep their calm when these conflicts happen every day.

So, how do we create a peaceful home where siblings get along and treat each other with kindness? Here are three strategies that you can use in your home:

Encourage Communication and Empathy
Encourage your children to express their thoughts and feelings openly, while also teaching them to listen actively and empathize with each other’s perspectives. For example, they can use the sentence: “I feel [emotion] when [specific situation occurs]. Can we talk about it?”

Foster Bonding Activities
Create opportunities for your children to bond and strengthen their relationship through shared experiences and activities. You can share “Let’s plan a fun activity together, like [specific activity].”

Lead by Example
As parents, you serve as powerful role models for your children, and your actions and behaviors shape their attitudes and interactions with each other. Demonstrate kindness, respect, and cooperation in your own relationships and interactions with your children, partner, and siblings. If you are feeling triggered, you can model by saying “I’m feeling frustrated right now, but I’m going to take a deep breath and try to understand your perspective.”

By implementing these strategies, you can help create a peaceful home where siblings can quickly solve conflicts while developing a strong bond.

One of our greatest aspirations as parents is to raise children who are not only successful but also possess the drive and motivation to pursue their dreams and make a positive impact on the world.

Raising self-driven children is possible, and a worthwhile endeavor in our parenting. When children are self-driven, they are more likely to take initiative, set ambitious goals, and persist in the face of obstacles, ultimately leading to greater personal fulfillment and success.

In his book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, renowned author Daniel Pink offers valuable strategies for nurturing autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Here are three actionable strategies inspired by Pink’s work that you can implement at home to cultivate self-driven children:

Encourage Autonomy

• Offer choices: Provide opportunities for your child to make decisions, whether it’s choosing what to wear, what extracurricular activities to pursue, or how to spend their free time.
• Foster independence: Allow your child to take on age-appropriate responsibilities, such as completing chores, managing their schedule, or solving problems on their own.
• Respect their decisions: Even if their choices differ from yours, support and respect their autonomy, as it helps build confidence and self-reliance.

Support Mastery

• Promote skill development: Encourage your child to explore their interests and passions, and provide resources and opportunities for them to develop skills in those areas.
• Embrace the learning process: Normalize setbacks and mistakes as part of the learning journey, emphasizing the importance of perseverance and practice in achieving mastery.
• Celebrate progress: Recognize and celebrate your child’s efforts and achievements, focusing on their growth and improvement rather than just the end result.

Instill Purpose

• Connect actions to values: Help your child understand the impact of their actions on others and the world around them, highlighting how their interests and talents can contribute to something meaningful.
• Set meaningful goals: Encourage your child to set goals that align with their interests and values, and support them in working towards these goals with purpose and determination.
• Foster empathy and compassion: Cultivate a sense of empathy and social responsibility in your child, emphasizing the importance of using their strengths to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

March marks a special time of celebration for women, girls, and those who champion their cause. As we honor Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day on March 8th, it’s crucial to reflect on the progress made and the challenges that still lie ahead.

Despite strides toward equality, gender-based discrimination and harassment persist in various forms. As a parent of two daughters myself, I’m acutely aware of the messages our girls receive about their potential, their appearance, and their place in society.

From the clothes they wear to the media they consume, stereotypes are still deeply ingrained in our culture. Take, for instance, the pervasive gender-based marketing that often categorizes girls as “sweet” and boys as “strong.” It’s disheartening when our daughters feel limited in their choices, or they have to fit into certain molds.

This week, I invite you to have a conversation with your children about gender-based perceptions and stereotypes. You can use these prompts to reflect on your own and then, guide the conversation with your kids.

• Media: What TV shows, movies, or commercials have you seen recently that showed boys and girls in different roles? How do you think these portrayals influence our ideas about what boys and girls can do or be?
• Toys: Do you notice any differences in the toys that are marketed to boys versus girls? Why do you think certain toys are labeled as “for boys” or “for girls”?
• Clothing: Do you feel pressured to wear certain clothes or colors because of your gender? How do you think clothing choices contribute to gender stereotypes?
• Jobs and careers: What jobs or careers do you think boys can do? What about girls? Is there anything you like to do or wear that some people might say is only for boys or only for girls?
• Personal choices: How do you feel when people make assumptions about what you should like or do based on your gender?
• Family tasks: Do you think certain tasks or responsibilities are usually assigned to boys or girls in our family? How do these roles make you feel? Do you think they’re fair?
• Challenging stereotypes: Can you think of any ways we can challenge gender stereotypes in our everyday lives? How can we support each other in breaking free from gender expectations?

These questions can help foster meaningful discussions and encourage critical thinking about gender stereotypes at home. Let me know how it goes!

Did you know that March 8th is Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Day?

SEL is the process through which all young people and adults learn essential skills like handling feelings, connecting with others, setting goals, and making good choices.

These HEART skills aren’t just crucial for school success, helping kids focus and pay attention, but they also bring long-term benefits. They’re linked to overall well-being, life satisfaction, improved relationships, and more opportunities for professional growth.

These skills are equally crucial for parents as they navigate the complexities of raising children:

• Handling emotions allows parents to remain calm and patient in challenging situations, modeling healthy emotional regulation for their children.
• Connecting with others helps parents build strong, supportive relationships with their kids, fostering trust and open communication.
• Setting goals enables parents to establish clear expectations and boundaries, guiding their children toward positive behavior and personal growth.
• Making good choices allows parents to role model decision-making processes, teaching their children valuable lessons about responsibility and accountability.

Overall, developing these skills empowers parents to create nurturing environments where their children can thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.

However, parenting is not an easy job! It is perhaps the ultimate testing ground for practicing these HEART skills. We make mistakes, doubt ourselves, hurt others’ feelings… and above all, we learn and grow as people and parents.

I would like to invite you to join me next Friday, March 8th to celebrate SEL Day with dear friends and colleagues. We’ll be sharing our stories of parenting growth, and invite you to join us and share yours too.

You can RSVP here to receive the Zoom link.

I hope to see you there!

I am celebrating the third anniversary of Teaching with the HEART in Mind this week. Writing the book was challenging; I grappled with self-doubt and feared criticism and ridicule.

However, it also taught me many valuable lessons. The big one? I can handle difficult stuff. You can read more about my journey in my latest post.

When it comes to parenting, modeling how to do hard things is key. Maybe there is something difficult that you have been avoiding or pushing to the side. Think about what is holding you back from addressing it, and what you would tell a friend in the same situation.

When our own kids are facing challenges, like learning something new, doing a school project, sorting out conflicts, or choosing a different path from their friends, it is also important to have their backs.

It’s tough to see our kids struggle, feel scared, or doubt themselves. But, as you know from reading this newsletter, one of the best things we can do as parents is to let them know their feelings are normal.

Sometimes, we might want to fix everything for them or tell them it’s okay to give up. But going through tough times helps them become stronger, learn how to navigate their feelings, and feel more confident.

Here are three simple ways to help your kids tackle hard stuff:

• Encourage a Growth Mindset: Remind them that they can improve through effort and practice, rather than just relying on natural talent. Celebrate their hard work, not just their results.
• Embrace Failure: Teach them that making mistakes is part of learning and growing. Create a space where they feel safe to take risks and try new things without worrying about messing up.
• Teach Coping Skills: Give them tools to deal with stress and setbacks. It could be simple things like breathing exercises, mindfulness, or writing down their thoughts.

By showing them these values and supporting them every step of the way, we help our kids face challenges with confidence and resilience, setting them up for success down the road.

I remember a day when my husband and I got into a heated argument in front of the kids. My oldest daughter got very upset and went to her room crying. When I went to check in with her, I realized that she thought it was her fault. I reassured her that disagreements between adults are natural occurrences and assured her that she bore no blame.

Although she seemed okay after our conversation, I realized how stressful it can be for kids to see their parents arguing with each other.

While children benefit from seeing healthy disagreements–that is parents disagreeing with each other respectfully, without shaming, yelling, or making the other person wrong–parents have to work hard to keep these arguments in a healthy zone.

When children hear their parents yelling at each other, their stress hormones shoot up and they can become anxious, and have a hard time sleeping or engaging in daily activities. If this is a repeated experience for children, it can become a risk factor in their development.

Parents need to exercise self-awareness and emotional regulation during disagreements. If tensions escalate beyond a manageable level, take a pause, allowing emotions to settle before restarting the conversation, preferably after the children have gone to bed. This break not only provides an opportunity for tempers to cool but can also facilitate a more productive and respectful resolution of the problem you are trying to solve.

For further insights and strategies on navigating conflicts with your partner while fostering a healthy environment for your children, I recommend exploring resources such as this article on effective conflict resolution.

As parents, our love knows no bounds, and what better occasion to celebrate our affection than Valentine’s Day?

While traditionally associated with romantic love, this day offers a beautiful opportunity to spread love within the family, especially towards our children.

Here are some tips to make this Valentine’s Day a memorable celebration of family love:

• Create Homemade Valentines: Encourage your children to express their love and creativity by making homemade Valentine’s cards for each family member. Provide them with art supplies and let their imagination soar as they craft personalized messages of love and appreciation.
• Family Love Notes: Start a heartwarming tradition by writing love notes to each family member and placing them where they’ll be found throughout the day. These simple gestures can have a profound impact, fostering a sense of love and connection within the family.
• Celebrate Together: Instead of focusing solely on romantic love, emphasize the love shared among family members. Plan a special family dinner, complete with festive decorations and favorite dishes, and spend quality time together playing games, watching movies, or engaging in activities that everyone enjoys.

This Valentine’s Day, let’s celebrate the unconditional love we have for our children, fostering an environment where love is not only cherished but celebrated each and every day.

“Black History Month is a reminder that Black culture is American culture.”

These are the words of the Assistant Director at my children’s school when asked about what it means to her to celebrate Black History Month.

February marks the beginning of Black History Month, an annual celebration of achievements by African Americans and a time for recognizing their central role in U.S. history. In 2024, the central theme is African Americans and the Arts.

Here are a few ideas to join this celebration:

• Learn about African Americans in your community. Many organizations spotlight Black individuals living in the community. Look for it at your local library or foundation.
• Read a book with your elementary or middle school children to celebrate Black History Month.
• Watch a film and/or documentary
• Support Black-Owned Businesses

As you can see, there are many ways you can contribute to raising your family’s racial awareness and honoring Black History. Join in this celebration!

My child got very angry the other day because she couldn’t find her soccer cleats and was late to practice.

In my head, I was thinking “Well, if you had left the shoes in the right spot, now we would not be running around looking for them!”

But I stopped myself from saying it to avoid making the situation worse…

On other occasions, I have tried to use this moment to “teach a lesson” and, as you have probably experienced, it does not work.

The best thing we can do when our kids get angry is to be calm, acknowledge their experience, and wait to teach the lesson when the child is regulated and able to listen.

If you need more tips, check out this helpful article from Aha Parenting which outlines what to do when your child gets angry. Super handy printable cheat sheet at the end of the article!

After enjoying a restful break, I have to admit that it is taking me some time to adjust to work and family routines again. Am I the only one? Probably not!

Our work, family, and social commitments require our full attention, but our bodies ask for more rest and less activity. This is normal during the winter months since we become more sluggish and sleepier due to the reduced exposure to sunlight.

But, let’s be real.

When do parents allow themselves to rest or pick up a hobby instead of committing to another school event or taking that additional project at work?

I recently discovered How to Keep Time, a new podcast from The Atlantic. Check out this episode to learn about how we are conditioned to believe that being productive makes us better people and this one to know more about how having less time and being busy can be a status symbol for others to notice.

Both episodes were thought-provoking and can inspire meaningful conversations in your family and with other parents in your community. Have a listen and let me know what you feel and think!

Lately, I’ve found myself reflecting on the significance of cherishing both the big and small moments we share with our children.

Sometimes, in the rush of work, chores, and getting everything ready for the holidays, we might overlook those little, precious times that really count. Even a quick trip to grab groceries can turn into a fun and silly adventure with our young people.

As the holidays approach, it can feel like there’s this big pressure to create the “perfect” celebration for our kids, even when all we really want is a chill day in pajamas with a simple meal.

While this time of year is meant for family celebrations, sticking too hard to what we think should happen can get in the way of what actually matters—the joy of being together.

As we navigate through this season, I’d like to share three tips that might alleviate stress and foster deeper connections:

1. Keep Expectations Real: Take a moment to think about what you expect from yourself and your family. It’s okay to change things up sometimes—flexibility can be a game-changer!
2. Choose Joy: Figure out what brings real joy to your family and make time for those things. It’s totally okay to skip some events or just chill out together. And yes, adults need naps too!
3. Stay Grateful and Present: Even when things get crazy, try to find a moment to appreciate the good stuff. Taking a pause and being thankful for the little things can really make a difference.

I’ll be taking a break in December and will return in 2024 with more insights on nurturing a HEART-centered approach to parenting.

If there are specific topics you’d like me to explore, please respond to this email and share your thoughts.

Wishing you and your family a peaceful holiday season and a fantastic New Year ahead.

Over the past decade, research has demonstrated the incredible benefits of practicing gratitude, ranging from improved social connections to enhanced physical and psychological well-being. Increased happiness, greater life satisfaction, a bolstered immune system, and reduced anxiety and depression are just a few examples of how gratitude can significantly improve our lives.

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches in the US, families will gather to celebrate and express appreciation for one another. While Thanksgiving inherently embodies gratitude, fostering a culture of gratitude within your family can extend far beyond this holiday.

I encourage you to cultivate gratitude as a daily practice, not just reserved for special occasions. 

Here are some simple yet impactful ways to incorporate gratitude into your family’s routine:

• Notice the Small Moments: Take the time to cherish the seemingly insignificant moments that bring you peace, joy, or love. Deliberately seek out things you can be grateful for in your daily lives.
• Express Appreciation: Show gratitude towards others through meaningful gestures. It doesn’t always have to involve material things; acts of service or spending quality time with someone can be powerful ways to demonstrate your gratitude.
• Self-Appreciation Matters: Encourage your children to recognize and appreciate their own strengths and uniqueness. Equally important, as parents, remember to extend this practice of self-appreciation to yourselves. Acknowledge your strengths and value as individuals within your family unit.

I am grateful to be part of this community, and I appreciate each one of you for your dedication to your children’s growth and well-being.

Wishing you and your family a joyous and gratitude-filled Thanksgiving.

Have you ever delved into the rich history of the land you call home?

In the San Francisco Peninsula, the Ramaytush (ra-MY-toosh) Ohlone lived in ten independent tribes for thousands of years. The Ramaytush Ohlone, a part of the broader Ohlone/Costanoan peoples in the San Francisco Bay area, numbered around 1500 individuals before the Spanish arrived in 1769.

While our children may encounter fragments of local history in school, it’s crucial for us, as parents, to join them in understanding and appreciating the depth of our community’s past. November provides a great time for this exploration.

November is National American Indian Heritage Month, offering us a dedicated time to delve into the history of our surroundings and honor the rich ancestry and traditions of Native Americans.

This month provides a unique chance for us to connect with our children, learning together and gaining insights into the history of the land where we live.

There are many ways to celebrate National American Indian Heritage Month with our children. Whether it’s delving into local history, exploring museums, or reading books about Native Americans, there’s always something new to discover about the indigenous people of our region.

Here are a few valuable resources:

• Native American Heritage Month resources from the Library of Congress
• Resources from PBS Kids (videos)
• Children’s Books
• Celebrate Native American Heritage from Learning for Justice

All kids make poor choices at some point. It is part of growing up, even when we (parents) have a hard time understanding why they behave that way.

As parents, it’s crucial to remember that our children’s behavior is a form of communication. When our kids make poor choices or exhibit challenging behaviors, it’s often their way of expressing unmet needs or emotions they can’t yet articulate.

This can be a significant hurdle, as addressing these behaviors can be both frustrating and perplexing.

Traditional methods of discipline, such as punishment or taking away privileges, have often proven to be ineffective in the long run because they don’t address the cause of the behavior or create alternatives to poor choices.

However, there is an alternative approach known as restorative practices that focuses on empathy, understanding, and learning.

Restorative practices encourage open dialogue between parents and children, promoting responsibility, and accountability, and teaching valuable life lessons. It fosters a nurturing environment that empowers kids to make amends for their actions, learn from their mistakes, and build strong relationships with their families.

As a starter, you can use these questions when you have to address your children’s behaviors:

• What happened?
• Who was impacted?
• What part can you take responsibility for?
• How we/you will make things right?

Check out this great resource for more tips to bring restorative practices to your parenting.

Are your kids excited about Halloween?

My girls are absolutely thrilled about Halloween! They eagerly anticipate this holiday, spending weeks discussing and, in some cases, changing their minds about their costume choices at the last minute. This year, they’ve settled on the themes of angels and fortune tellers.

The Halloween tradition has a fascinating history. It originated from the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, during which people would light bonfires and don costumes to ward off ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints, incorporating some of the traditions of Samhain into what later became All Saints Day. The evening before was known as All Hallows Eve, which eventually evolved into Halloween. Over time, it has become a day filled with activities such as trick-or-treating, carving jack-o’-lanterns, festive gatherings, donning costumes, and indulging in treats.

It’s essential to ensure that Halloween costumes are fun and enjoyable for everyone while being sensitive to the potential to perpetuate stereotypes or reinforce hurtful ways of thinking about people. Some costumes can be outright racist or offensive. To avoid last-minute challenges, having a conversation with your children about their costume choices is crucial.

Here are some general rules to help avoid offensive costumes:

• Avoid costumes that can be associated with an ethnicity, race, or culture that is not your own. For example, dressing up as a Mexican, Chinese, or Native American should be avoided unless it accurately represents your child’s ethnicity.
• Never use blackface or any form of makeup that mocks or caricatures someone’s race or ethnicity.
• If your child wants to dress up as a historical figure, consider what this figure represents and the historical context. Ensure that the figure portrays positive human values.
• Avoid costumes related to COVID-19, as it has been a challenging time for many people, and humor related to the pandemic can be hurtful.
• Avoid costumes that represent mental illnesses, unhoused individuals, or any form of animal cruelty.

If your children have chosen costumes that can be hurtful or offensive, it’s an important opportunity to have a conversation with them about why certain choices might be problematic. This discussion can serve as a valuable teaching moment to instill important values within your family.

Have a spooky Halloween!

I have felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of the war in Israel and Gaza and, at times, unable to discuss these events with my kids. Maybe that has been the case for you too.

Even when we try to protect children from the news, they generally end up knowing about tragic events and humanitarian crises. Kids hear adults talking about the news, see it on TV, or hear it from friends at school.

I know it is difficult to have these conversations about war and violence. However, it is better to discuss scary events at home than to let children process them on their own.

These discussions can help kids better understand global events, foster empathy, and encourage critical thinking. Our children may have questions or concerns, and by initiating the conversation, we can provide a safe space for them to process complex topics and instill values of care and compassion towards other human beings.

For me, it has been helpful to process my own emotions first, so I am ready to answer questions and hold space for their own feelings.

In this article from the Greater Good Science Center, you will find additional tips for how to talk to children about war and difficult events in the news.

May we build a more peaceful world for all children.

Last May, the US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy released a new Surgeon General Advisory calling attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in our country.

According to this report, loneliness and isolation represent profound threats to our health and well-being. They contribute to physical health problems, such as the risk of heart disease, strokes, and dementia, and mental health challenges, such as depression and anxiety.

As parents, we know how important it is for our children to have opportunities for social connections in and outside of school. In this case, however, we want to pay attention not only to how frequently our kids interact with other children and adults but also to the quality of those relationships and interactions. 

In addition, social media experts are concerned that children are growing up with more anxiety and lower self-esteem because of social media and texting.

Many youth friendships are conducted online and through text, in a context that lacks body language and facial expressions and where you cannot see or feel how your words impact others. Many teens feel bad about themselves when they see others online looking “perfect,” negatively impacting their self-image and sense of worth.

While this is a complex topic with many layers, these are some things that you can do to raise children who feel connected:

• Check-in time: Make sure you check in regularly with your kids to discuss their day, including their experiences with friends both online and offline. This routine provides a dedicated space for communication and helps you stay connected to their social world.
• Open conversations about friends: Encourage open discussions about their friends, both online and in person. While they may not want to share many details, it is important for parents to show genuine interest in their social interactions.
• Promote offline socialization: Actively support and participate in your kids’ offline social activities, such as playdates or outings with friends. This involvement allows you to observe and, when needed, guide their social interactions in a positive way.
• Digital literacy: Establish clear guidelines about the use of screens and social media, and support your child to understand and navigate the digital world. Be open about the positive and negative aspects of social media.

The other day, my 8-year-old daughter walked into my office, her eyes welling up with tears. Eager to play, she had approached her older sister, only to find her buried in homework.

“She is never going to play with me again… she is always doing homework now! Will you play with me, mama?”

In the midst of preparing for a presentation and with a looming grocery run on my to-do list, the usual response would have been a regrettable no. However, at that moment, I sensed its significance.

I chose to say yes, setting aside time for an impromptu game of hide-and-seek in the backyard. The joy that lit up my daughter’s face afterward made me realize the value of those unplanned moments.

“Mama, that was SO much fun. We should do it again soon,” she exclaimed, and I couldn’t help but agree. Though my work lingered unfinished, the experience was a poignant reminder of the importance of investing quality time to connect and play with our kids.

As we navigate the week ahead, I invite you to observe those short-lived instances with your children. Are there moments when you can choose to say “yes” and connect with them in meaningful ways? These small moments may be more impactful than we realize.

During this year’s Hispanic Heritage Month, which runs from September 15 through October 15, I am reflecting on the importance of teaching children our families’ traditions, language, and ways of being.

As you may recall, I grew up speaking two languages and am raising bilingual children. It is hard work, but bilingualism has many cognitive, social, and emotional benefits for my kids, so I persevere.

But language is not only important as a way to communicate and connect with others. Language is also culture–it impacts how we perceive the world, influences our values, and is a lens into people’s behavior.

Sadly, many bilingual and multilingual students (particularly our Indigenous, Asian, Hispanic, and Latinx children) attend schools that don’t consider these students’ language practices in the educational program, which leads to students internalizing harmful messages about themselves.

Sometimes parents avoid speaking their home language outside the house for fear of being ridiculed, singled out, or plainly rejected in social environments. For example, 23% of Latino Spanish speakers said they had been criticized for speaking Spanish in public, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in 2021.

This week, I am resharing an article that I wrote for Confident Parents Confident Kids last year, where I describe my experience growing up bilingual and raising bilingual kids. You can read it here:

Raising Bilingual Children

Let me know what you think! I always love to hear from you.

Gratitude to Jennifer Miller, author and founder of Confident Parents Confident Kids, for making space for this important topic.

Do you remember being 12, 14 or 16 years old?

Things were going well for me until I turned 13, then the fights with my mama increased significantly.

I wanted my independence, was quick to talk back, and was not willing to share details about my outings. My mama and I couldn’t agree on an appropriate curfew time, so our arguments would go on and on until everybody was very upset.

Looking back, I feel bad about my behavior and, at the same time, I recognize that it was developmentally appropriate! I was pushing boundaries and she was resisting. Needless to say, it was a difficult time for both of us.

This week, I attended a keynote given by Dr. Andrew Fuligni, Co-Executive Director at the UCLA Center for the Developing Adolescent. His talk was very informative, and a good reminder of how much the teenage brain grows and develops during the adolescent years.

One key takeaway from Dr. Fuligni’s talk was the importance of parents’ and caregivers’ support and the cultivation of positive relationships through adolescence.

This can be challenging as our teenagers increase risk-taking behaviors and claim their space and identity. However, continuing to be there for them and having a door open for communication at all times can have positive effects on their development. Thank you, mama!

Even when they reject it,  this is actually a time when our adolescents need our warmth and support the most. So don’t give up! Keep showing up for them, keep asking them how they are doing, find activities that you can do together, and do not hold your love back!

If you want to learn more about the latest research, check out these key concepts about adolescent development  AND play this game of adolescent discovery to take on the role of a young person.

Happy Rosh Hashanah to all who celebrate!

My girls are very different in the morning. One wakes up refreshed and ready to go, and the other one likes to sleep in and needs a few minutes to become awake and alert.

In both cases, if they go to bed too late due to back-to-school events, homework that wasn’t finished, late dinners, or because they were messing around, I know that we will have very cranky kids the following day. For ages 6 through 13, children need between 9 and 11 hours of sleep.

If you have teenagers in the house, this is a real issue! For ages 14 through 17, they will need between 8 and 10 hours of sleep. And I know getting them out of bed can be a struggle and a source of tension and stress for many families.

Although it is hard to protect our kids’ sleep given late afterschool activities, homework, and early school starts, sleep is a crucial biological function.

Getting enough sleep is essential for kids’ overall well-being and development. Sleep plays a vital role in their physical, mental, and emotional growth. It helps their bodies recover and repair, strengthens their immune system, and enhances cognitive functions such as memory and learning.

A good night’s sleep also contributes to better mood regulation and emotional stability. So, prioritizing a consistent sleep schedule for your children is essential for their well-being and the happiness of their parents 🙂

According to the Mayo Clinic, better sleep is possible! So, if you are struggling with this area, check out this article for guidelines on the recommended hours of sleep and how to set up healthy sleep habits.

As a parent and caregiver, one of the hardest things during this back-to-school season is making sure that you are building healthy routines for yourself.

We tend to focus on our kids–setting up their morning routines, preparing healthy lunches, supporting homework time, and coordinating after-school activities.

However, many parents forget to pay attention to their own healthy routines for this time of year.

If you were working out first thing in the morning during the summer, will you be able to fit it in before morning drop-off? Or will you need to get up an hour earlier to make it happen? Those lazy weekends won’t be possible if kids have games, so how will you build time to rest and relax?

It is important to take these first few weeks to (re)calibrate our own healthy routines and habits, so we can enter fall with sustained energy and motivation for a great school year!

Here are three key insights from Atomic Habits by James Clear that parents can apply to their own lives:

• Tiny Changes, Big Impact: Just as you want your kids to develop good habits, focus on making small positive changes in your routine. Over time, these minor shifts can lead to significant improvements in your well-being and daily productivity.
• Design Your Environment: Shape your surroundings to align with your wellness goals. If you want to exercise more, set up a workout space at home or choose the stairs instead of the elevator. Creating an environment that supports your desired habits makes it easier to stick with them.
• Embrace Progress Over Perfection: Give yourself credit for every step forward, regardless of how small. Celebrating your progress—no matter how gradual—helps you maintain a positive outlook.

Remember, creating your own healthy habits is the pathway to a more balanced parenting journey. You’ve got this!

And If you are committed to growing your social and emotional capacity this fall, join me and other parents to grow HEART skills. We intentionally explore and practice SEL strategies to support ourselves in increasing awareness and developing purpose. Join us!

It is hard to believe, but school is back in session! My children started school this week, and there’s a part of me that does not want to let go of summer.

What about you? Are you feeling ready for the new school year?

The start of school can trigger a wide range of emotions in children and parents.

While many kids and their caregivers welcome this transition with enthusiasm and eagerness, others may feel anxious about starting school again.

In many cases, this anxiety will go away as children settle into the new routines and expectations. It is not an easy transition, so don’t expect things to go smoothly on day one! Children generally need additional support and reminders to get off to a good start.

Here’s a great resource from the Child Mind Institute that can help you with this process if your children (or you) feel anxious!

If you want to support yourself this fall, check out my course for adults, Growing Your HEART Skills. It is an online program to help you grow your social and emotional capacity. Take a look and let me know if you have any questions. I’d love to support your growth!

• Books to help you talk with kids about racism and protest, New York Times
• Talking to children about racism, Unicef
• How to talk to kids about race and racism, Today
• Racism and violence in the news, Child Mind Institute

• 10 books about race to read instead of asking a person of color (article)
• W. Kamau Bell On Being Black In America (video)
• Unpacking our own racial socialization (webinar)
• The racial healing handbook (book)

According to a recent Pew Research Center survey, mental health concerns top the list of worries for parents:

Four-in-ten parents with children younger than 18 say they are extremely or very worried that their children might struggle with anxiety or depression at some point.

This is not surprising given what we know today about the long term impact of the pandemic on our kids.

Resources to support the mental health of children:

• 10 tips to parent an anxious child from the Child Mind Institute
• Role of social media in mental health from Children’s Health Council
• Supporting your chid’s mental health from Very Well Family